| The Adoption Triangle: Creating, Maintaining and Reuniting Families National and Illinois Resources for Adoptees, Adoptive Parents, Birthparents and Prospective Adoptive Parents Compiled by Elizabeth A. Pector, M.D. |
| As an adoptee and a physician, I feel profound gratitude toward my adoptive parents for raising me, and toward my birth parents for relinquishing me to experience life in a stable and loving household. Until I found my birth mother at age 30 and my birth father at age 37, I felt great frustration at not knowing my genetic background. I am one of the fortunate few who was able to uncover these secrets. I feel I can now better understand all influences, biological and environmental, that shaped the unique person I have become. People raised by their biological parents take this knowledge for granted. Adoptees sometimes must fight to have their needs understood, and the reunion process can be very nerve-wracking and at times traumatizing for those who venture down that road. This page offers some information & support resources for Chicago-area (and to a lesser extent national) families touched by adoption where someone--a birth parent, adoptee, or adoptive parent--seeks to find a relative separated by adoption. In addition to my own history as an adoptee, I have worked with many prospective parents who found infertility treatment unsuccessful or undersirable and yearn to build families. The lack of information on where to start has frustrated them; I have learned from happy & successful adoptive parents about the resources that have helped them. This page is meant to serve two purposes for those on any side of the adoption triangle: helping to build families, and helping to reunite family information and/or family members that were separated through closed adoptions. This is not a comprehensive site, but gives you some quality starting points for your individual search for information. My own history and thoughts are well represented in an article from Medical Economics several years ago, I found my History and So Much More. |
| For adoptees, adoptive parents or birthparents seeking reunion: I recommend attending a search & support group, doing some background reading, and thoroughly reviewing search options, before signing up at a registry, embarking on a search or hiring a search consultant or intermediary. Some of the web resources above and below may help you find support for your unique circumstances. A good local group is Adoptees, Birthparents and Adoptive Parents Together which meets regularly in Wheaton on the third Thursday of each month. Please contact Jody by e-mail or contact Dr. Pector for Jody's phone number and a group brochure. Truth Seekers in Adoption meets in the northern suburbs. Many books are available on search & reunion. A current recommended book is Jean Strauss's Birthright: The Guide to Search and Reunion for Adoptees, Birth Parents and Adoptive Parents. Two that Dr. Pector liked at the time of her search several years ago was The Adoption Triangle by Sorosky Barran & Brown and Lost & Found by Betty Jean Lifton. One search support group also recommended: Adoption: A Handful of Hope by Suzanne Arms Birth Bond by Gedima & Brown Dear Birthmother by Kathleen Silber & Phyllis Speedlin The Other Mother by Carol Schaefer The Adopted Break Silence by Jean Paton The Psychology of Adoption by Brodzinsky & Schecter Adoption Encounter by Mary Jo rillera An Adopted Woman by Katrina Maxtone-Graham Faint Trails by Hal Aigner I Would Have Searched Forever by Sandy Musser What Kind of Love is This by Sandy Musser The Missing Piece by Lee Ezell The Solomon Decision by Kate Pijanowski Dark Side of Adoption by Marsha Riben I encourage you to look through a bookstore or amazon.com to find other books of interest. Web resources: about.com adoption.com: extensive resources White Oak Foundation National Adoption Clearinghouse. Voices of adoption: support organizations, resources and mailing lists for adoptees, birthparents & adoptive parents www.birthparents.org www.birthmother.com Illinois Adoption Registry brochure Illinois Adoption Registry home page International Soundex Reunion Registry: the oldest and best registry. Provided contacts that led to locating my birth mother. Cyndislist |
| Final thoughts While each person's thoughts, feelings and experiences as a member of this triangle are unique...and feelings sometimes run high, with fear of alienation...it helps to remember that love is at the center of it all. Love for the child motivates birth parents who relinquish a baby...love nurtures the baby in the adoptive family...love for self, adoptive parents and birth parents motivates adoptees who search. If you love and respect the other people in this triangle, they will likely return the same love & respect to you. We are all connected. Dr. Beth Pector . |